i came across a book containing gospel verses and words of wisdom.. funny/ironic i picked a page about laziness. lately i've been hella lazy.. i've been skipping training, getting low grades, making up excuses for everything.. i HATE being lazy and i don't seem to know what's gotten into me lately.. :( although it's a good sign i'm not happy about my midterm results. i know i could've done better. not as if i've been tired from training either.. well i'm happy to have read that short reading. it was a good read. i especially liked the short prayer.. Lord, help me to remember--the more effort I give, the greater the rewards. i've always pushed myself.. and right now i'm inspired again to persevere. i hate being mediocre.

oh i wanted to text geo about it.. "lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth (proverbs 10:4)" but i changed my mind. it's so weird our relationship. no matter how open i am he can never seem to hear me out. well actually we broke up two days ago. but seeing him today it's as if nothing changed. i don't know if he doesn't take what i say seriously or he just tries to avoid the topic but we never get to resolve things. sigh. it's frustrating. i don't know how to deal anymore. i was actually struggling in the one day we were broken up. trying to detach myself and stuff. i wasn't mad at him for doing anything i just thought it was best. i'm always extra irritated with him. no matter what he does.. good or bad, right or wrong.. i just thought this breakup was to help me change. like be a better girl friend. treat him better. i was thinking of running after him as i feel i've changed but well my plans changed as he visited me at home with jollibee. i have a feeling after having a good time dvd marathoning today we're back to our normal unhealthy relationship.

random realization: i miss my mom. she would always push me to excell.