humiliation.

i haven't been humiliated in a while. haha! well today i did again. awwww... i hate the "queezy" (enzo's made up word) feeling. and the more humiliated you are, the more it flashes in your head over and over again! remind me never to get into pageant things.. i just make a total fool out of myself! sigh! it's not that i badly wanna represent my college but the fact that i embarrassed myself.. i feel so small right now. haha shit! shit! shit! i don't know why i set myself up for disgrace.. but nonetheless i guess it's not my calling.. although i do think i have potential.. given the proper tips and boost in confidence :)

anyway yesterday i met up with my DLSU barkada for dinner.. even if it had a lot of consequences (my very bad day today) i had so much fun! i really missed all of them.. down to all of our own quirks! hehe! feels so good to be reminded of what great friends i have.. lately i've been losing friends.. those dearest to my heart.. i think that's the reason i get depressed for no reason. even if i hate to admit it, i think subconsciously i'm sad to know i can't rely on them anymore. i used to be so dependent on them.. now it's as if i'm on my own. :( well anyway.. i really can't do much.. ball's not on my court anyway.. i'm just happy to feel whole again after quite some time.. i feel like i still have people to love, who love me in return (besides geo of course)..