i came across a book containing gospel verses and words of wisdom.. funny/ironic i picked a page about laziness. lately i've been hella lazy.. i've been skipping training, getting low grades, making up excuses for everything.. i HATE being lazy and i don't seem to know what's gotten into me lately.. :( although it's a good sign i'm not happy about my midterm results. i know i could've done better. not as if i've been tired from training either.. well i'm happy to have read that short reading. it was a good read. i especially liked the short prayer.. Lord, help me to remember--the more effort I give, the greater the rewards. i've always pushed myself.. and right now i'm inspired again to persevere. i hate being mediocre.

oh i wanted to text geo about it.. "lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth (proverbs 10:4)" but i changed my mind. it's so weird our relationship. no matter how open i am he can never seem to hear me out. well actually we broke up two days ago. but seeing him today it's as if nothing changed. i don't know if he doesn't take what i say seriously or he just tries to avoid the topic but we never get to resolve things. sigh. it's frustrating. i don't know how to deal anymore. i was actually struggling in the one day we were broken up. trying to detach myself and stuff. i wasn't mad at him for doing anything i just thought it was best. i'm always extra irritated with him. no matter what he does.. good or bad, right or wrong.. i just thought this breakup was to help me change. like be a better girl friend. treat him better. i was thinking of running after him as i feel i've changed but well my plans changed as he visited me at home with jollibee. i have a feeling after having a good time dvd marathoning today we're back to our normal unhealthy relationship.

random realization: i miss my mom. she would always push me to excell.

humiliation.

i haven't been humiliated in a while. haha! well today i did again. awwww... i hate the "queezy" (enzo's made up word) feeling. and the more humiliated you are, the more it flashes in your head over and over again! remind me never to get into pageant things.. i just make a total fool out of myself! sigh! it's not that i badly wanna represent my college but the fact that i embarrassed myself.. i feel so small right now. haha shit! shit! shit! i don't know why i set myself up for disgrace.. but nonetheless i guess it's not my calling.. although i do think i have potential.. given the proper tips and boost in confidence :)

anyway yesterday i met up with my DLSU barkada for dinner.. even if it had a lot of consequences (my very bad day today) i had so much fun! i really missed all of them.. down to all of our own quirks! hehe! feels so good to be reminded of what great friends i have.. lately i've been losing friends.. those dearest to my heart.. i think that's the reason i get depressed for no reason. even if i hate to admit it, i think subconsciously i'm sad to know i can't rely on them anymore. i used to be so dependent on them.. now it's as if i'm on my own. :( well anyway.. i really can't do much.. ball's not on my court anyway.. i'm just happy to feel whole again after quite some time.. i feel like i still have people to love, who love me in return (besides geo of course).. 

thoughts on STARBUCKS and being a nerd :)

i know it's over priced, high in caloric content and it's such a waste of gas to go out to study but i just really enjoy studying at starbucks.. i really think starbucks is the reason i became top of my batch. i guess drinking coffee stimulates my brainwaves.. hence a more productive study time. plus the obvious fact that there are no computers, televisions and beds to tempt you to do other things when you really need to study!!! i guess another reason is the people who go to starbucks to study as well. it's nice to be in the midst of a lot of determined people studying their asses off (i.e. law and med students) they somehow inspire me and make studying seem fun to do for me :)

july 29 2008

since rach has been blogging i decided to (once again) revive my blog.. i actually thought about this last week when i felt depressed for no apparent reason.. i wanna blog so i realize what i have going.. and that i'm blessed.. thought of it as my therapy.. (my other option was counseling..haha!) well even if i don't have much time.. i wanna make time for this at least once a week :)

anyway, was pretty mean to the iranians again today. for some weird reason, lately i have a "daily victim".. the unlucky one i snap at :( i feel bad after of course.. but i feel that they're so self-centered and that i keep giving without receiving anything in return.. it just gets really tiring!! well as my karma i guess, i didn't do so well in my prelim exams today.. not bad but not good enough to be the highest in class. sigh! oh well that's done. on the upside.. i was really hoping for an early dismissal and low and behold we didn't have our last class. :) it being a light day i was in the mood to drop by and say hi to my grandparents. it was a short visit but i feel happy i took time. they gave me lansones and even if i was excited to bring it to school tomorrow i ended up giving it to people passing by asking for garbage. i'm happy they were so happy though :) gooood day.

happy leap year! hehe :) well i'm back.. i've been wanting to revive this but i never had time to until today.. and so i realize.. wow.. time goes by so fast.. i didn't think it was a year ago since i last visited this coz of geo. well it's a friday today no class for me yey! but today's the first friday i didn't spend with geo since i can't remember.. so i studied for like 4 hours na, used the computer for another 4 and ate/watched tv for like an hour.. pretty productive already for me and now i'm just killing time.. haven't been exercising lately (boo) coz i still haven't recovered from my operation. i'm really hoping i get beter na *fingers crossed* anyway i have to get ready for NE-YO tonight.. till next time :)